At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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