her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
