I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
