So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As shirtless as possible
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
