I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
