Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
