How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
