My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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