It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
