So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
