how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
