I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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