Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
