whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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