My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
