can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
