How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
