Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
