reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
