Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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