I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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