guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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