We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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