Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
