At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
