You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
