Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
