bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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