Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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