Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
