He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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