I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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