Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
