"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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