i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
