so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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