Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
whose parrot is this?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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