I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Less talking, more tequila
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize