My first STD was from a foam party
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
