WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
