So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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