I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
40s are totally the cure
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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