My sheets look like a crime scene.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
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