I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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