Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
