I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
