told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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