You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
