just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
