Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
