Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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