Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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