It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
