when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
