hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize