She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
