Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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