if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
