Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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