so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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