Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
