you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
