Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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