i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize