this beer tastes like vomit already
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
