last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
