My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
