oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
