The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
