this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
