I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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