90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
