I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Is Oprah even human
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
