So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
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