I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
