I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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