Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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