summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize