i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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