I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize