I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
