She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
