all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
