I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
