my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
