I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
