If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize