They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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