He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize