accomplished twins. life is a go
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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