Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
