I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
