you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize