why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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