Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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