I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize