Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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