OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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