no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
