Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
