First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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