That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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