When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
