Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
