What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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