Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
