I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
