Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
