i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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