Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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