That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
