my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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